For those of you who have not had the pleasure, allow me to introduce My Sassy Gay Friend.
Admittedly, the SGF in this video is not MY SGF. However, my SGF and his merry band of yanktastic miscreants introduced me to the preachings of this hilariously camp individual over a zillion bottles of wine.
“Look at your life, look at your choices!”
My SGF is a California born n raised rich kid (he denies this. It’s true. I don’t care what he says) with a penchant for leaving me drunken voicemails at 7am BST in his best British accent (which happens to be a la ‘Dobby the house elf’. Seriously.)
I love him dearly, and here is why:
10.30am BST/4.30am Chicagoland
SGF: someone just asked why we didn’t have sex in my facebook wall. I feel so ritzi
‘I feel so Ritzi’
I fucking LOVE that!
SGF: it’s catching. Internationally.
It said: “I don’t understand. Why can’t we have sex?”
RC: Oh dear.
SGF: Yes. Happened. I was like, um, no.
When you’re a top you have control
Benefits of pitching.
RC: A top? Pitching? Eh?
SGF: Top and bottom. Pitching and catching. Giving and receiving.
This is pretty mild really – but then it was 10.30am on a bank holiday monday.
Of course there was a nice little treat waiting for me when I returned from my hard core bank holiday run…
11.30am BST/5.30am Chicagoland
SGF: Booty called at 5am. Yep.
SGF: I am so embarrassed.
RC: you should be!
SGF: Well when you need your dick sucked you need your dick sucked.
And as a parting shot (no doubt before passing out because it was just after 6am Chicago time and he had been drinking since 7am the morning before…)
SGF: Omg. Worst. Hookup. EVER. Like slober tongue. AWFUL.
I left in under an hour. It was that bad.
I didn’t even let him touch my dick.
Congratulations my Sassy Gay Friend! You just found your way onto the ladder. You know the phrase ‘be careful what you wish for?’
Happy Tuesday to Sassy Gay Friends everywhere! (especially mine, all the way in the windy city. Love ya biatch!)