Wanted : Iron Knickers

Almost Famous is playing a gig at a super cool haunt right round the corner from my house. On Friday.

He asked me to go and the only excuse I could come up with was ‘I’m supposed to be at the theatre so I’m not sure I’ll be able to…’ Feeble excuse, Ritzi. These cool bands are not even on until 11ish. As if any play is that long (there’s nothing directed by Trevor Nunn kicking about at the moment).

Should have said opera.

The Office Sluts Brigade (god I love them) say ‘GO GO GO!’ They said this after they saw his mugshot and I can’t blame them. He is HOT.

Twinkle says; ‘You better not shag him so loud I can hear it from my bedroom.’ Thanks Twinks, ever the pillar of moral support.

Blondie says; ‘Do not go alone, and do not shag him.’

The thing is, despite being a MAHOOSIVE hypocrite, Blondie has a point. I’ve never quite twigged before, but perhaps the real reason AF and I have so much chemistry in every other area except for face to face (well, clothed face to face anyway) is because every time we see each other, we get drunk, lose our inhibitions and bonk each other’s brains out.

Then we wave bye bye for six months or so, relationship reduced to texts that range from painfully horny to shamefully needy, depending on which one of us is drunk.

Not exactly healthy, is it?

Which brings me to the Iron Knickers. Blondie went on a ‘first date’ recently, which was actually a booty call, and dropped her kecks that very same evening. Flora, the silly but lovable bint, just did the same thing with the leading man from Twinkle’s show. Now, Blondie’s bloke is still interested, but apparently only in repeating said booty call with no strings attached, and Flora’s has dropped off the face of the earth.

For this line, we must credit Irish….

‘Where are your Iron Knickers girls?’

Of course men think we’re sluts who’re likely to shag anything and everything when we get naked on the first date… If we’re honest, they’re sort of right. And I am one of the worst for this – if I can go a bit Freud for a moment, I’d say it’s most likely because subconsciously I know that if I do it, they’ll lose interest, and then I don’t have to deal with the whole potential relationship thing. My subconscious is SUCH a cat lady.

So, with Irish’s stern words and Blondie’s ‘pot-kettle-black’ advice in my head, I’m going to try this new-fangled ‘not sleeping with Almost Famous’ thing. And see where we end up.

Unless, of course, I have more than 3 glasses of wine, then I cannot be held responsible. Blame the grape.

RitziCx