Monthly Archives: July 2012

I do so love it when a blog post appears ready formed in my inbox… and so allow me to hand you over to the lovestruck Aussie for what is frankly THE BEST EMAIL EVER. (If you missed the first one – where have you been? Click here)

Hello!

So when Diamond Geezer gives you 72 hours of notice that he is coming to town, you have to do some MAD PREP to be match fit and ready for his arrival!
Flat was sparkling clean, sheets changed, all possible laundry done, booze bought, anything that makes me look like a crazy person well hidden, manicure, pedicure, everything plucked, waxed and exfoliated, beautiful yummy breakfasty things on standby in case he wanted when he arrives at 7am Saturday, pretty new lingerie to casually be wearing under some sort of sexy mans white shirt type ensemble when said early morning arrival occurred.

So – 6am the alarm goes off. I get up, do hair, tiny bit of make up to remove blotchy-sleepy-face and I wait knowing his plane was landing at around then. I put coffee on, I get lights to perfect dim level, heater on so flat is perfect temp…. he takes what feels like FOREVER to arrive and finally the buzzer goes. I let him through the security and the open the door to see him walking down the hallway. I am not kidding I just go weak at the knees. He sees me, drops everything and just scooped me up in his arms and kissed me. We stood there like this for ages just looking at each other, kissing each other, hugging each other – I start to get the giggles because I am just so friggin’ happy. It was heaven.

We spend the day hanging out, we go for lunch where he starts telling me he’s told his mum about me, that all his friends know about me, that everyone is saying he’s “stopped his whoring ways because he’s met some girl in Sydney.” We have a brilliant afternoon, he talks about wanting us to get a dog and naming it Mr. Funny, we go shopping because he wants my help choosing new shoes – it’s all very silly and fun and wonderful. Then we get ready to go to the opening night of A Chorus Line.

Yes. This heterosexual man was willing to come to the opening night of a musical with me and not only watch the show, but do the pre and post schmoozing events and talk to all the theatre types. He absolutely nailed it. He was funny, charismatic, held his own, spoke to everyone, I could leave him on his own and was all good. We ran the gauntlet of an opening night and he breezed through it like he’d been doing this for years. We leave, head home and in our black tie outfits get a dirty late night burger and fries and curl up on the couch watching TV together. Bliss.

Sunday we get up late, go for lunch and then park ourselves in a wine bar near my apartment and proceeded to try every possible wine on the list. Over lunch he raised the subject of the “elephant in the room” conversation we were avoiding – if we lived in the same city we’d be going for it, holding hands and walking off into the sunset, but what do we do about the distance? Can we make this work? So under the influence of some white wine dutch courage we faced it head on. I said (absolutely terrified) “you know how I feel – I am throwing my hat in the ring and am willing to see if we can do this if you are” he just looked at me and said “Count me in. you’re my girl. I want you in my life, I want you to come to see me and my life, meet my friends. As far as I’m concerned I’m seeing you and I want to tell everyone. I’ll fly out once a month to see you to begin with, we’ll take it one day at a time, nice and slow and see where we end up.”

Although absolutely glorious, this meant one more thing. We had to tell my brother. I wanted to wait, I waned to do it in my own time but Diamond Geezer wanted to tell him. Said it felt like he was lying to him and he has the right to know.

So. I picked up the phone and texted him. “Hi. I have to tell you something” While I was attempting to send him a photo of the two of us to let the pictures do the talking, he called saying “what do you have to tell me?!” I took a deep breath and said “um. I’m seeing someone. And he’s great. And you’re going to love him. Because it’s Diamond Geezer.”

Silence.

I give the phone to Diamond Geezer to speak to him – he says “Hi. Yes I’m here in Sydney with your sister. It’s been going on for a few weeks. We wanted you to know.”

Silence.

He gives the phone back to me. Brother says “ARE YOU JOKING?!?!  YOU DO REALISE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING DON’T YOU?! AND HE LIVES ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY. THIS IS TOTALLY INSANE. THIS IS A JOKE RIGHT!?!? “

“Um… no. no it’s not. And I am happier than I have been in years.”

And then he hangs up on me.

We both send some text messages to him telling him it’s not a joke, that we are both crazy for each other and have weighed up all the pros and cons and still want to give it a go. We get nothing but silence.

We head home, fall into bed (have an amazing night) and then he gets up at 5:30am to get the plane back to the other side of the country where, with the time difference, he will make it back in time to start work. We say goodbye, I get a beautiful message as he gets on the plane and I curl up in bed in the t-shirt of his that he has left behind for me. I wake up again when my brother sends a text to both of us (abridged version):

“Ok, I’ve slept on it and this is definitely not cool. It can end about 10 different ways and all of them disastrous. If it makes you happy then it’s all I could hope for but I am staying right out of all of the insanity that is bound to ensue”

I don’t reply. I figure I’ll let him cool off. He then called a couple of hours later and we speak like rational adults. I tell him how I feel, how we’ve really thought it through, that it’s not just some stupid indulgence, that he is saying the only other person he felt like this about was when he met his first wife, that neither one of us are in a place to not give this a shot. At each point in the conversation I hear him gasp and he just keeps saying “THIS IS A LOT OF INFORMATION TO DIGEST” but to his credit he hears it all out and I think could hear in my voice that things are different.

He pauses for a while and then just says “I’ve known you literally your whole life. I’ve known him for longer than I haven’t. Its just taking me a moment to pick my jaw off up the floor and get my head around that it could work” Which is when I broke the news to him that DG and I will be in Melbourne together next weekend (where he lives). At which point he said “ok that’s enough information again now. hanging up now”

And that’s where we have left it. A brilliant weekend, a shocked/confused brother who doesn’t know what to do and a brilliant Diamond Geezer who I can now officially say I am dating. AND I get to see again in two weeks!

Now I just have to tell my parents.

Aussie xx

While the lovelife of Ritzi Cortez is well and truly down the proverbial pan, things don’t seem to be going to badly down in the Southern Hemisphere.

A couple of days ago, this appeared in my inbox;

So my dearest Ritzi, I have had the most amazing weekend of my life. So here’s the lowdown. The guy spent some years in my home town which is where he met my brother, the were in high school together and my dad was his boarding house master and geography teacher! He and my bro stayed friends for years, lived together in Sydney, he studied film at uni and is an amazing writer. SO. GOOD. WITH. WORDS. He had some dark years where he developed a little substance abuse issue and wasn’t a well man. He got out of Sydney, cleaned himself up, moved to Perth and now works high up in Diamond mining. (it’s a HUGE industry. Mining men make a ton of money and it’s a big thing here) He got married about 6 years ago, they split 2 years ago (no kids) And so then we saw each other at my brother’s wedding where he was there with some other girl who lives in Melbourne. We had a kiss and he promised he would come to Sydney to see me.

We met on Saturday night at 6pm. I had had my hair and nails done, bought some Calvin Klein underwear…. The whole thing. Was SO nervous! Had no idea what was going to happen, just didn’t want it to be a disaster. He’s my brothers best friend and if it went wrong, I would be mortified. But as soon as I saw him and we sat down… It was ON LIKE DONKEY KONG. Just couldn’t keep our hands off each other, there was this instant spark between us again, we kept cracking each other up, we were both a bit nervous and had realised that despite knowing each other for 20 years, we hadn’t seen each other for 10 years and knew absolutely NOTHING about each other. I was on a first date with someone I’d known my whole life. 2 bottles of champagne later, we were feeling pretty damn good and were in another bar of this hotel complex drinking dirty martinis. He sees a fountain that is pouring into a big pool thing and jokes about jumping into it just to see what happened. I made it clear that I was sure his hotel room would have a similar size bath so why don’t we just go check it out? So we get up there, I run a bubble bath and before anything else happens, we get in and end up spending about 4 hours in this huge bath tub drinking champagne, talking, fooling around, talking, drinking, talking, fooling around, talking… He poured champagne all over me… It was HEAVEN I tell you! But so different to what I thought it would be. So intimate, honest and lovely. The whole time I was just so comfortable with him. I was completely myself, without compromising anything, without looking at him and seeing anything that wouldn’t work, that wasn’t right… We were both so relaxed the entire time. At one point HE even said “this just feels like home” Not surprisingly, we end up in bed and stay there until about 2pm the next day. Again talking, fooling around, talking, snoozing, talking, cuddling, talking… It was so so so so lovely. He starts saying things like “what is this, I am completely crazy for you”, “I’m just lying here falling for you” “‘baby I am in this for the long run if you’ll have me” “I dont want to freak you out but all I can think when I look at you is “finally!”"

Now, admittedly, this was all through several states of drunk and sober, naked and clothed… So some of it was not at our most level headed moments… But it kept coming up in conversation. As the weekend wore on we went out of lunch, came back to bed, went out for dinner, came back to bed… But as this went on realised that we are so so so similar. We like the same things, are driven by the same things, have the same base values and couldn’t keep our hands off each other. By the time Sunday night rolled around we were deciding if we wanted to go out or not and I saw him see that some car race he loves was on TV, so I suggested we stay in, he watch the race, I’d grab him some beers and curl up beside him while he did. This was met with cries of “YOU ARE THE PERFECT WOMAN” which was then compounded by me quoting Anchor Man at him (it’s the little things….) but it wasn’t about the racing, or the beers or the Anchor Man… It was about just hanging out together. I don’t remember the last time I enjoyed a man’s company like that. Monday morning we slept in, checked out and had a coffee where we spoke about what happens next. We talked about other hotels, other cities, about him coming to mine for a weekend, about us graduating from texting to actually calling each other. Left it saying “until next time…” I sent him a little text saying “until next time” he replied with “can’t wait” Then I spent two hours walking around town in a daze working out if that had actually happened or if I dreamt the whole thing. So now Ritzi…. What happens now!? I feel like I should wait to hear from him…. GAH!

GAH indeed! I read this at 5.45am, bleary eyed and downing espresso on my couch, trying my damnedest to drag my ass out of my house and out to the gym. Frankly, when I read this, I practically bounced out of the door, skipped down the road and hopped on a bus like some kind of exciteable Juicy Couture clad cricket.

So, in short, Aussie has found herself a sex god with daily access to diamonds and no children.

My god, woman. MARRY HIM.

RitziCx