Okay, after this one I PROMISE to start having some adventures of my own again. Really I do. I’m going to go home and get Blondie to sign me up to My Single Friend RIGHT NOW.
But in the meantime, here’s Aussie’s latest conundrum… and a few words of Ritzi wisdom at the end…
(Shh, Aussie is speaking now)
So here we are. 6 weeks in with the diamond geezer and it feels like this epic romance has been going for a lifetime! (In good and bad ways!)
This week I have been in Melbourne for work – this is the town where DG’s parents now live. I was there from Tuesday and he the planned to fly in for the weekend to spend his days with his Dad who is in hospital and his nights in a hotel with me. I was tremendously excited, it had been two weeks since our last visit and I was really looking fwd to seeing him.
Then I had dinner with my brother. It turns out that through all of his protesting this week that ”I’m so happy about all of this” he’s not so happy about any of it. I sat down with him, just the two of us and he very kindly said the following.
“It’s just the thing is this. The reasons I love him as a mate are all the reasons I would never want him to date anyone I know. Just know that he’s distracted by shiny things and you are clearly the shiny thing right now.”
I fiercely bit my tongue, refrained from highlighting all the insulting things in that comment and kept going with dinner as everyone else was arriving and I didn’t want to make a scene. But, as the night wore on his words echoed in my head. And then, of course, came the doubts and questions from my own mind. Was I blindly being an idiot? Have I been so excited by this whole thing that I can’t see the plain truth staring me in the face? After all of these years of false starts and failed attmpts have I fallen for bullshit yet again? Am I an idiot to take a leap of faith on something so impossible? Is it in fact entirely impossible?
And, of course, right on cue came through a lovely text from him, as sweet and as charming as ever. As I had been guzzling wine I replied, letting him know that it hadn’t been the best evening of my life, that all was not well in the family and that I was feeling pretty shite. I regretted it immediately because I knew I was making drama where there was no need and dragging him into something that is actually more about my brother and I than it was him. I just wanted him to reassure me without having to actually tell him what was said and what I was now having a typical-female-freak-out over.
He called immediately – upset that I was feeling rubbish and followed up with a text that simply said “I would not be flying halfway across the country to see you if I didn’t think this was something serious” So I took a breath and slept on it. By the time morning rolled around I had decided today was a new day and all was ok. Screw my brother and what he thought – it’s his rubbish and not mine. No one knows what’s going on between DG and I, but DG and I (and the entire database of Ritzi Cortez of course)
But when I see him again on the Saturday night the doubts come back. All of a sudden I was second guessing everything he was saying to me, asking myself if I thought it was a lie, no matter what I did I couldn’t get out of my own head. He was talking about wanting to go away together in February next year, about all sorts of things in the future and I couldn’t let myself believe them at face value. As a result I was disconnected from the whole night, I couldn’t relax and enjoy his company as there was now this stupid little voice now trying to shout “It’s a lie! He’s like all the others!”
Sunday afternoon he goes to see his Dad again and comes back to meet me for dinner. I slept in, had a long hot shower, got all dolled up and gave myself a good Oprah Winfrey talking to in the mirror. “This man has not given you any reason to not trust him. Everything he has promised, he has come good on. Everything he has done, backs up what he is saying. You have no choice but to trust him! The past is the past and has nothing to do with him. All you can do is go one day at a time and enjoy it for what it is at that moment. If it all falls apart then at least you gave it a go. It’s been so long since you’ve felt like this, you can’t screw it up with fears baed on other people’s past behaviour.”
So we go for a drink before heading out and while leaning on the bar I can’t help but drop some joke into the conversation about “all of his other girlfriends around the country.” He sighed, looked me right in the eye and simply said:
“There is noone else baby. As soon as we had our first weekend together, I’ve not been vaguely interested in anyone else. Anyone who was on the scene now seems dull and boring and they are no longer around. All I want is you. However we do this – it doesn’t matter.”
So what do you do in a moment like that?
Either you choose to assume he is full of shit like all the douchebags that came before him, preferring to be alone and hating the world than in the company of this beautiful man… Or you look in his big brown eyes you make the conscious decision to yet again take a leap of faith. Another one. Which I guess is the entire point of this entire caper.
And so here comes the inevitable Carrie-Bradshaw-sign-off-with-a-question….
What is a relationship if not a series of leaps of faith?
(I’m genuinely asking as it’s been so long I don’t remember!)
(Okay, Aunti Ritzi is back)
Now, I might have descended fully into hopeless romantic mode by this point (blame Blondie, her sappy happiness is annoyingly all around now that she lives with me) but my advice to Aussie is this:
DON’T GIVE UP ON TRUE LOVE! TRUE LOVE NEVER COMES EASY! HAS JANE EYRE TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?!?! (Oh, actually, maybe you should check his attic for crazy ex-wives when you get a second too, thinking about it…)
Seriously though, I really think she needs to take the risk. The thing is, if we stop taking risks, then we’ve basically given up and settled for settling, and we all know my opinion on settling.
I get the brother thing now. It kind of makes sense why he’s been such a dick about it, and he really is just concerned about his sister’s well-being because he knows his friend historically, but at the same time he can never truly know how DG feels and what he’s said to Aussie. Guys, as we know, do not share things with each other that are deeper and more meaningful than; ‘Grunt grunt… shagged her… grunt grunt… yeah, she’s a bit fit innit’ (not sure why in this gross generalisation all men appear to be knuckle grazing Northern chavs but I’m running with it…)
And frankly, if he still turns out to be a dick after that ‘There’s noone else baby’ speech, I’m pretty confident that my and my twitter army could gather together enough pennies for a round trip to the Southern Hemisphere so I can rip off his balls, bring them back and lob them into the Thames.
Right, now it’s your turn – pleeeease, leave a contribution, in the leeeettle box*.
*10 points and the plus one to my next outrageous West End freebie if you actually got that reference.