Tag Archives: Flutey

Gulity Conscience?

Posted on June 3, 2011 | 2 Comments

I seem to be noticing somewhat of a pattern with post-coital Forbidden.

Remember last time I positively shagged his brains out? Yeah. Remember what happened after that? (Hint – why hasn’t he called?)

So it’s Friday. A week since last Friday. I should add that the very next day, after I’d used and abused him, I texted a perfectly pleasant text enquiring as to whether he was still alive after his planned day of sailing (yes, sailing. I don’t get it either).

I am beginning to think that perhaps he didn’t survive it…

I refuse to text again though. Two texts would just be insane. And I don’t want to date him. It’s just sex. So I’m going to stop obsessing about it right about… now.

…okay now.

…okay, in a minute.

Ignoring the fact that Forbidden seems to have fallen off the face of the earth, I received a call from Flutey yesterday. You know… the one who’s IN LOVE with him.

Cripes.

So it goes like this:

Missed call from Flutey.

Crap.

Voicemail from Flutey.

Double crap.

“Hey Ritzi, hope you’re well! Give me a ring back when you get a minute, I need to talk to you about something”

 Fuckshitbugger. A few hours later, I managed to escape from the office (just in case she was actually preparing to tear me a new one). She picked up on the first ring. She’s terrifying like that.

“Hey stranger!” Okay, that doesn’t sound too bad. “I’ve got two things I need to talk to you about, one is business, the other one is pleasure…”

Oh fuck.

Turns out, the first thing she wants is to get tickets to a show. Big surprise there. I suggest she calls The Ex who is actually in said show so more likely to be able to do something useful there. Then we get onto the ‘pleasure’ aspect.

“Ah yes, well, I was wondering if you could tell me what you’re doing…” Sleeping with the man I love? Generally being a heartless bitch? “On 21st June?”

 Oh… she’s calling about my freakin Birthday?

“I’ve got it in my diary and we must confirm what you’re doing darling! It’s only three weeks away!”

 Is it? Cripes. I totally didn’t notice that. I was too busy sleeping with the man you’re in love with.

This stuff is not good for my nerves. Admittedly, I’m falling back on that old failsafe that Flutey is engaged, and she’s supposed to be over Forbidden. And it’s not like it’s serious.

I know. I’m not even convincing myself.

RitziCx

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It’s My Party And I’ll Lie If I Want To…

Posted on June 26, 2010 | Leave a comment

So Sunday evening came around at last, and I celebrated rather mutedly I have to admit, in anticipation of my week of planned relaxation vacating in the countryside. As planned (see, it wasn’t just an excuse to get rid of Movie Man) Sneezy-K and I hopped along to the Common to meet Irish, Nora, Maestro and Flutey for a lovely girly dinner.

Nb, Maestro counts as a girl in these circumstances.

Of course, one thing I hadn’t taken into consideration was the existence of FOOTBALL. For fecks sake, even SOUK was showing football, my previously undiscovered magical Moroccan paradise that I’ve since learned is a chain and I just never noticed. Huh.

At last, we found a place that wasn’t showing football – Strada. Boring, a bit rough around the edges, but damn it they had wine and a table and we had the company! Lets take a little moment for a couple of the presents that came at me by the by…

Nora: a varied selection of Green and Blacks Chocolate bars, tied up in a neat little bow to discourage me from devouring them there and then, and a card that litters the ground with sparkle and other magical things whenever it’s opened. Sorry cleaning lady.

Irish: Cutesy keyring for my new flat (when I finally get it), some other lovely trinkets… and condoms.

Ironically, they will probably get used before the keyring does.

Sometimes, my friends know me so well it scares me.

Anyhoo, most important and crigeworthy was the fact that Flutey was there. We haven’t seen each other for bloody ages, and have hardly even texted for months, what with my job being so crazy and her working evenings with her show, which kind of lead me to forget what great mates we really are.

Oops. Did I sleep with a man she’s a bit in love with last week? Yes, yes I did.

The thing is, she’d probably not be all that surprised if I told her. She knows what I’m like – and she knows what he’s like – and she’s fully aware that I’m not likely to fall in love with the guy since she’s been with me through more than my fair share of heartache over the years, but I just couldn’t bring myself to mention it, especially as it was my birthday dinner and everyone was there so there was hardly an opportune moment.

She later proceeded to demand that I join her in a couple of weeks to see Forbidden’s final show. I think I’m going to be conveniently busy… but that doesn’t mean Forbidden won’t open his big mouth. Yikes.

This is a bit of a dilemma folks, and could be used as a argument against doing what I’m doing at the moment. I’m sure there’s some kind of ‘Ho’s over Bro’s’ analogy that could be reworded to work in this situation.

But all drama aside, with dinner finished and Irish and Nora retiring for the evening because they’re boring (not really – they actually have early rehearsals and flights respectively but whatever) Flutey, Sneezy-K, Maestro and I decide we are not quite finished with our Sunday evening. Instead, we discover that 2 friends of ours (well, friends of mine and Flutey’s) are playing a gig down the road in a bar that serves COCKTAILS.

My mind is made up – to the flute mobile!

A few hours later I had to drag Sneezy away from a rather dishy looking chap who’d just invited her to add him on facebook (I was dragging her away before she garbled drunken gibberish at him too much by the way, it was a kindness. I’m sure she’ll shag him at a later date) and I took my time saying heartfelt goodbyes to the two rock stars (one of which I desperately want to have my way with, especially when he’s singing. Wowzer) before making my escape with Sneezy on one arm and my raffle prizes in the other.

That’s right… cocktails and a raffle! Could this impromptu evening get any better?

Well, I’m glad you asked actually… on the way back I received a text from Almost Famous, who I’d drunkenly texted earlier that evening as I’d just agreed to go and watch Nora’s band play a gig in Brighton next week, where he conveniently lives these days.

‘Are you about on July 2nd?’ (I had texted) ‘Going to watch a gig and wondered if you mind me shamelessly using you as a bed?’

To which I got the reply…

‘Brazen. Yeah I’m around. Use me ;)‘

Maybe I will, Almost Famous… maybe I will.

Til next time,

RitziCx

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Okay, The Hobbit DEFINITELY Kisses And Tells!

Posted on March 30, 2010 | Leave a comment

I just went for coffee with my friend Flutey who got to the Charity Cabaret after I left on Sunday and she had a mighty interesting story to tell. To her credit, she put up with half an hour of me enthusing about my new job, Love Never Dies, and Jack the Ripper, before finally asking me what the heck I was thinking letting The Hobbit stick it in me a few weeks back. I asked her how she’d found out, and the reply was a lil bit horrifying but hilarious.

Apparently, she got there and saw him so went over to say hello, and their conversation went something like this;

‘Hey Hobbit, how’s it going?’

‘Good thanks, how’re you?’

‘Not bad. Is anyone else we know here?’

‘Oh yeah, Ritzi was here earlier but she had to go do something. Oh, and [the ex] was here but I think he just left. Might have something to do with the fact that I just told him about me and Ritzi hooking up a few weeks ago.’

Lovely! Thanks Hobbit!

So not only did he tell my ex (who shagged five other women while we were dating and so gets no say in the matter) about our little shagathon, he also decided to brag about the fact that he’d caused the ex to run away in a jealous bitter rage. In actual fact, the ex was outside on the phone, and not raging even a little bit (on account of the whole ‘shagging five other women thing’). Then, he proceeded to tell someone he hadn’t seen for months all about it in the first few moments of conversation.

Oh, I’m sooooo glad I don’t emotionally involved with these total twunts anymore.

I texted the ex later on that evening and we had a perfectly normal conversation. I texted The Hobbit too… no reply.

Men.

RitziCx

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Ooo, Crisis Of Conscience!

Posted on January 25, 2010 | Leave a comment

Well, what an unexpected weekend I have had. On saturday evening, I found myself at Bloomsbury Lanes Bowling Alley for my friends birthday, which was all in all a strange experience in itself. Has anyone ever been to Bloomsbury Lanes? It’s near Euston Station. Seriously, it’s like the place is going through an identity crisis. Half of it is a kind of underground bowling alley – kind of like how you’d expect bowling alleys to look if knocking down pins was suddenly made illegal. Then the other half of it is like a night club with exposed pipes and dodgy house music, with these weird bits of washing line hanging everywhere that people seem to use to hang up their coats… even though there’s a free cloak room… odd. Then, on top of all this, there’s a seating area that is laid out like an old school fifties diner, although there’s not a burger and fries in sight. All in all – WEIRD.

At half past midnight (yes, that’s right. HALF PAST MIDNIGHT) we started bowling. Having been up all day and ready for bed, I struggled to focus on where the lanes were, but once I had a few drinks in me (served in classy plastic cups) I was ready and raring to go.

Don’t ask me how… but somehow I managed to win. HOW?!?! I have no idea. I didn’t get a single strike, or even a spare, I was just consistently average. Considering I spent half the time wondering why there wasn’t a button on the back of the bowling ball to let go of when I flung it at the pins. Too much time on the Wii over Christmas, me thinks?

So after that and a half game of crazy bowling (where you get points for the most inventive method of throwing the ball) we went and sat in the diner-come-bar and enjoyed a few drinks.

Then suddenly, it was 3am??? How did that happen???

After much procrastination I finally staggered home at 4.30am, and promptly slept until lunchtime.

There is one teeeeeny tiny problem with my evening though. I found myself spending most of my evening chatting to NYE and another guy who we’ll call ‘Forbidden Fruit’. Herein lies my problem.

NYE is off limits, that’s understandable. Also, he’s not an actor anymore either, so gets me no points in Ensemble Bingo.

Forbidden IS an actor. And very hot. And flirted with me ALL night. And exchanged numbers with me at the end of the night in the guise of us both going to see a show we have mutual friends in. We’re not going to see it, it’s on tour. That’s too far out of the West End for people like me to comprehend.

‘Why is Ritzi deliberating this clear opportunity to tick a box on the Bingo Board?’ I hear you cry.

The simple fact that once upon a time my very best friend was inescapably in love with him.

She’s engaged (to a complete wanker but that’s another story) and he was in a relationship at the time so nothing ever happened between them, but if I even put the feelers out there to see if she’s still crushing on him… OUCH! WOAH! Where did my head go?! Etc etc etc.

See my dilema? There’s also the problem that he bears a striking resemblence to another of my past heartbreakers… so that probably wouldn’t end well.

Why oh why is life so complicated?

In other news, date is set with Tilted Trilby whose last text read – ‘So I’ve sorted out the early evening entertainment, why don’t you handle what happens later?’ Oh yeah, that’s right. Totally ticking a box this weekend.

Happy Monday!

RitziCx

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